I'm sick of tired

I want to believe that one day I will be fully rested.

I want to believe that one day I will sleep until I wake up, not sleep until I am woken up. (Mommy, mommy, MOMMY! All done, all done, ALL DONE!)

I want to believe that my current State of Exhaustion will only make me stronger.

I love being a full-time mom. But the truth is that I’m tired. All the time. Pre-kiddos I was a world-class night-owl-social-whirligig. I loved the color, nightlife, music, noise, art of being out and about at openings and concerts and such. I stayed out late and slept in late. I laugh at that now. HA. (yawn.)

This a.m. Danger Dad took the kids to the pool so that I could work on a recently assigned article for the paper. The house is empty and quiet and all I want to do it curl up in my beautiful, comfy, down-comforter-in-the-summer-cozy bed and sleeeeep. But I can’t. And I wouldn’t even if I could. It would be too much of a tease. I would lay there and think about all the stuff I should be doing. The above-mentioned article, laundry, breakfast clean-up, make beds, water plants, lunch prep, laundry, cultivating more freelance work, multiples club management, laundry…

People tell me that I do too much and that I should slow down. I don’t know what that means. My level of activity seems normal to me. I would be bored if it were any other way. But maybe I would be rested? Bored and rested vs. active and tired. Those are my choices? Crap.

I also hear that I (all moms, really) need to find balance. WTF? I want to scream at those people, “People, try to find balance when two fabulous but very very very needy toddler munchkins are wanting attention and food and READ THIS!, ART NOW MOMMY! and PLAY BALL! and LET’S GO POOL !” Pair that with the fact that I need to take as much freelance work as possible now because the economy is in the absolute shitter and it’s helpful if I can at least cover some of the groceries... And gas. Add in that I co-founded a parents of multiples club last year and although it’s wildly successful with at least 3 new paid families each week and a spankin’ new board it still needs some care and feeding so I took on a VP position this year. While we’re at it we can throw in that I’m starting a new business so that I can finally start building the empire. (I love my freelance work but sometimes I want to be the boss, make sense?) And I regularly bring meals to all the new moms in my Stepford suburb. And I help friends paint their new 4th grade classroom because they need me and I love them. And I make all of our food fresh because I love my family more than anything and I want to make sure that their bods and minds are growing in the best possible way.

O.k., maybe I am too busy.

But that’s who I am. And these days being tired is who I am too.

So I suppose I’m choosing active and tired over rested and bored.

Must run. I've gots stuff to do...